This is the main thing about emotional reactivity: it is an emotional reaction against thinking about and feeling things that might seem to be too painful or unfamiliar to experience. The understandable response is to focus all your energy on trying to get your partner to change rather than focusing your energy on yourself and what you are experiencing. Yet when you are reactive it doesn’t feel as if it has anything to do with yourself. You can think of your reactivity as a signal that there is something to learn about yourself in relation to your partner. Though emotional reactivity is normal and unavoidable in our closest relationships, we can always learn from it. Still, it is useful to understand what emotional reactivity is, inside yourself, individually. This makes it much easier for you and your partner to reach an emotionally meaningful destination. This help you get a truer reading of your relationship and of your emotional life. Couple therapy helps you recognize and neutralize both the patterns and the emotionally reactive electromagnetic field. Both your own and your partner’s emotional reactivity are amplified by the negative process and patterns of interaction in your relationship. Often, one of the first things that couple therapy aims to accomplish is the de-escalation of emotional reactivity.
#EMOTIONAL REACTIVITY FULL#
(Watch the film clip of Ben and Katie in full reactivity to help you and your partner reflect on reactivity in your relationship.) You can’t get a true reading. When we rely on our emotional reactions we lose our bearings. It makes it harder to get past your preconceptions. It prevents you from being able to set your compass for a new destination. Emotional reactivity is like an electromagnetic field that throws off the compass of your emotional and relational life. Your emotional life is like a compass that can orient you toward meaning and toward deep connection to yourself and to your partner.
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